Delight in Disorder

The Pandemic and Bipolar Me by Janet Coburn

Our guest post today is written by Janet Coburn. Janet is a freelance writer/editor with bipolar disorder, type 2. She is the author of Bipolar Me and Bipolar Us, available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and through other outlets. She writes about mental health issues such as talk therapy, medication, books, bullying, social aspects, and public policy, but mostly her own experiences with bipolar 2. As she always says, "I’m not an expert and YMMV – Your Mileage May Vary." I can’t say that the pandemic has had all that much effect on my life. After all, I have bipolar disorder and anxiety. It’s not like I ever left the house much anyway. This has given me the perfect opportunity to “cocoon” without stigma. Perhaps the major change is that I no longer feel comfortable going out to eat, which was one of my husband’s major method of [...]

The Pandemic and Bipolar Me by Janet Coburntonyroberts2021-04-18T22:50:27-04:00

The Pursuit of Happiness — Monica’s Call, chapter two

Suddenly, the phone rang. Had he been sleeping? “Hello?” “Dad, this is Monica. Are you okay?” “Yes. I’m fine. Why do you ask?” “Dad! Of course you’re not fine. Mom has just left you! But it’s going to be okay. You’re going to make it through this. Just have faith. One step at a time.” He tried to think of a response. His mind was blank. “Can I help you with something?” “Dad! I’m the one who should be helping you. Listen, I’m picking Philip up from soccer at noon. We’ll come right over and I’ll bring you back to our place. You’ll stay with us for a while, at least until we get this sorted out.” “Thank you, Monica. But, I really don’t think that’s necessary.” “Dad! You’ve been together for over 40 years. Do you even know where the can opener is?” He thought about it for a [...]

The Pursuit of Happiness — Monica’s Call, chapter twotonyroberts2021-04-14T16:22:06-04:00

The Pursuit of Happiness — Leaving for Good, chapter one

My mind has been stagnant lately. My muse has been silent. Depressive episodes do this to me sometimes. I lack the energy and motivation to cultivate a concept and bring it to life in the world. The more time that passes without creating a new piece of work, the more anxious I become that I will ever write something worthwhile again. When I fall into this quagmire, I sometimes look back and rework things of the past. I began the following over seven years ago now. I conceived it as the opening chapter of a short story, "The Pursuit of Happiness," that would be the closing of a trilogy that would also include "Life," and "Liberty." I'm not sure what will develop, but I really like spending time with the members of the Jacobson family and hope to go with them where they take me. Stephen Jacobson’s day was [...]

The Pursuit of Happiness — Leaving for Good, chapter onetonyroberts2021-04-14T16:29:10-04:00

“We’re going to be okay.”

One of the labels for the mental illness I have is bipolar disorder 1, rapid cycler. This means that my mood state constantly changes. I often go from abject despair to supreme elevation, and back again in less than the time it takes to complete a sentence. It is exhausting. It's like running a marathon at a sprinter's pace, with no water stations to rest. The body can't take this for long, much less the mind and spirit. The challenges we have faced in 2020 have tried the souls of many, even those with no mental health diagnosis. Added to this the death of both my parents and it is little wonder that the First Quarter of 2021 has hit me like a horrendous hangover. But there is hope. Even when circumstances around us seem bleak, there is a glimmer of hope. As a follower of Christ, I celebrate this [...]

“We’re going to be okay.”tonyroberts2021-04-04T20:10:37-04:00

Two Books to Get, that Get It: Companions in the Darkness & Unravel.

Read, read, read. Read everything -- trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it. Then write. If it's good, you'll find out. If it's not, throw it out of the window. ― William Faulkner One of the perks of being a writer is fellow authors send me their books. This week I've been blessed to read two books that have helped me expand my literary companionships. Diana Gruver and Greg Ralls "get" the experience of living with mental health challenges and their stories depict this so well. Companions in the Darkness: Seven Saints Who Struggled with Depression and Doubt by Diana Gruver, Chuck DeGroat (Foreword) The church's relationship with depression has been fraught: for centuries, depression was assumed to be evidence of personal sin or even demonic influence. The depressed [...]

Two Books to Get, that Get It: Companions in the Darkness & Unravel.tonyroberts2021-02-24T19:28:00-05:00

When Divine Delight Meets Human Despair: A Sample.

Now that the audio version of When Despair Meets Delight is available,* I'm looking forward to how we can get it in the ears of prospective listeners. back along the arduous journey of the publication process. Some find self-publishing easy. Just write something. Plug it into a Kindle service. Punch a few user-friendly buttons and -- bim, bam, boom -- out pops a book. Looking back, I wish I had taken an easier path. But nothing is ever easy for me. I prefer to suffer. I'd like to think that choosing a more rugged, less traveled road would lead me to a greater destination. But it doesn't always. There is no guarantee that the amount of effort we put into something will directly corelate to the finished product. To say that the road to my book has been rugged would be an understatement. Not only were there detours, but head-on [...]

When Divine Delight Meets Human Despair: A Sample.tonyroberts2021-02-21T18:33:49-05:00

When 100% is 100% Too Much, Less Becomes Much Better

It's been two weeks now since I returned home from an inpatient stay at the local psychiatric hospital. I can't say I feel 100%, but my improvement is really quite remarkable. In fact, it may be best that I'm not 100% the way I was before going in because that 100% was about 100% too much. I wasn't living well within my limits. I was trying to be everyone for everybody, including myself. In one 15 day stretch, I slept a total of 30 hours. Thank God I had so many people praying for me and ready to intervene when I was willing to ask for help. Being on a psych unit at any time can be a bit unnerving. Being on one during a pandemic is downright frightening. At least it was for me. But the staff did a tremendous job allaying my fears. More than anything, they modeled [...]

When 100% is 100% Too Much, Less Becomes Much Bettertonyroberts2021-02-18T20:22:21-05:00

Hear the Good News: When Despair Meets Delight Audiobook Launches Ash Wednesday

Most pastors would be shocked to know how many people in their church family live with or are directly impacted by mental illness. Stigma continues to keep mental illness silent in the church. Parents who sit in church pews week after week feel completely alone in bearing the pain of their son’s or daughter’s mental illness because they are embarrassed or afraid to say anything. The person sitting next to them may be carrying the same burden but who would know. And they will continue to carry these burdens alone until the church is willing to talk about it. -- Mark Teike, Pastor; St. Peter's Lutheran LCMS (Columbus, IN), from the Foreword of When Despair Meets Delight. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent. This year it lands on February 17 -- this week! Lent is a season to take spiritual inventory of our relationship with God, others, and self. [...]

Hear the Good News: When Despair Meets Delight Audiobook Launches Ash Wednesdaytonyroberts2021-02-16T17:17:32-05:00

My First Valentine, Forever: Patsy Lou (McPeak) Kurtz

Hey Mom, it's one snowy Valentine's Day around here. Crisp, clear, and sunny. It's a good day to lay around like an old yard dog and do a whole lot of nothing. That's what Briley is doing right now, perched like a princess beside me. I really miss you, Mom. I've lost count of the number of times I started to pick up the phone only to realize Verizon doesn't go to Heaven. It's been a terribly difficult year. A pandemic. Racial unrest. Political insurrection. You died two days after your birthday. I'm glad you were able to enjoy that vanilla milkshake that day and that you didn't suffer undue hardship. Your passing was much harder for us than for you, I suspect. Suddenly. Complications for COVID. I'm grateful I got to pray with you before you breathed your last. I thank God that both you and dad held onto [...]

My First Valentine, Forever: Patsy Lou (McPeak) Kurtztonyroberts2021-02-14T12:38:06-05:00

My Back Pages: Bob Dylan & I

Crimson flames tied through my ears Rolling high and mighty traps Pounced with fire on flaming roads Using ideas as my maps "We'll meet on edges, soon, " said I Proud 'neath heated brow Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth "Rip down all hate, " I screamed Lies that life is black and white Spoke from my skull, I dreamed Romantic facts of musketeers Foundationed deep, somehow Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now Girl's faces formed the forward path From phony jealousy To memorizing politics of ancient history Flung down by corpse evangelists Unthought of, though, somehow Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now A self-ordained professor's tongue Too serious to fool Spouted out that liberty is just equality in school "Equality, " I spoke the [...]

My Back Pages: Bob Dylan & Itonyroberts2021-02-09T13:31:57-05:00

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