tonyroberts – Delight in Disorder

Wretched man that I am.

I am woefully depressed and once again, like the Apostle Paul, the thing I most need to do I don’t do and the very thing I most need to avoid, I do. Take sleep. Please! I toss and turn through the evening then get up soon after midnight. I try to listen to music 🎼 and write ✍️ but rarely does it help calm me. What a wretched man 👨 I am! Who will rescue me? Need I answer? Jesus is the answer but he rarely offers an easy solution. Or maybe they are easy but I make them complicated trying to show off? I wonder if Paul ever stayed up all night eating junk food and sorting out his woes. I am sure he did — tied at literal stakes and chains ⛓ instead of a food addicts craving. And Paul was doing time for fewer divine crimes than [...]

Wretched man that I am.tonyroberts2022-11-03T06:32:10-04:00

Hope for Troubled Minds: To Dearest Dad, most lovingly from Helen

Dearest Dad, It has been twenty years since you took your own life. I have only just begun to openly talk about your life and death. Why? Maybe it was because we didn’t celebrate your life with family and friends in early February, 2001. Maybe it was because I didn’t fully understand the extend of your mental illness. Maybe it was because you and Mom moved to Florida in 1972 and there wasn’t much visitation between the families. Thanks for being my father. I am blessed to call you “Dad” and want to tell the world about our life together. I remember living in our small house when I was very young. I was unaware that most six-years didn’t go to bed while the sun was still shining brightly. Mother would fix supper for Nancy and me. She would not eat with us but ate with you when you came [...]

Hope for Troubled Minds: To Dearest Dad, most lovingly from Helentonyroberts2022-08-14T12:54:57-04:00

Hope for Troubled Minds: KyLee and her mother’s love.

When I was 17 years old, I delay enlisted into the Air Force. I had known at a very young age that I wanted a life devoted to the service of others. I was the oldest of four and already knew what sacrifice was or at least I thought I did. I enjoyed my time in the Air Force and short stint in law enforcement, but chose a different path because I felt I was too optimistic and in law enforcement you were always waiting for someone to make a mistake. Instead, I chose to go to college and work as a paralegal. Divorced young, I learned sacrifice as a parent. I was a single parent for 16 years. Sometimes I worked two jobs and went to college full time. I had aspirations of going to law school and making a real impact in the world. Then, two months shy [...]

Hope for Troubled Minds: KyLee and her mother’s love.tonyroberts2022-08-08T11:30:38-04:00

Finding Hope Through Chelsea: Hope for Troubled Minds

Some time ago I was blessed to come to know a young woman with a deep faith and a beautiful smile. We shared a common diagnosis in a support group and did our best to encourage one another. She was wise beyond her years and her compassion has lasted beyond her time on earth. Her legacy lives on through family and friends and those they encounter. This letter is from Tricia, her mom. Dear Chelsea, Gosh where do I begin? You were our “oops” baby, LOL! After 7 years of having a family of four, we thought our family was complete. God had a different plan though because, little did we know, it was far from complete. You came into our lives 5 weeks early, which scared us to death, but everything turned out fine, you were just in a hurry to meet your new family. You brought love and [...]

Finding Hope Through Chelsea: Hope for Troubled Mindstonyroberts2022-07-31T21:09:02-04:00

Hope for Troubled Minds: Ripples, Waves, and Heroic Measures

Diane has been a pioneer in sharing her story publicly to a wide variety of audiences including health professionals, students, city councils, church members peers and law enforcement since 2013. "In Sickness and in Mental Health" was one of a handful of biographies on bipolar disorder and is now on the top 100 Bipolar Books on BookAuthority.com. This is her letter to her husband and life partner Greg. Lover, our life together has been like no other and we went through fires before we even met. We have had many challenges, yet so many victories and blessings along the way. I thought that I finally had a grasp on our mental health conditions back in 2013 since it took me seven years of observing our recovery road to write our story In Sickness and in Mental Health: Living with and Loving Someone with Mental Illness. Since then, there [...]

Hope for Troubled Minds: Ripples, Waves, and Heroic Measurestonyroberts2022-06-01T18:05:35-04:00

Brain Balm Vol. 1, Issue 2: Psychotropics – A Healing Prescription

I was first diagnosed with a mental health condition in 1990, the heyday of what were becoming known as "second generation antidepressants." Alternatives to lifetimes of misery in locked wards of psych hospitals gave psychiatrics a whole new tool to treat those desperately depressed. Even "family doctors" were getting into the act as drug representatives passed out samples like happy pill candy of the dubbed "Prozac generation." But my depression in 1990 was not garden variety and these pills I took sent me into a medication-induced psychosis, keeping me up in a manic frenzy for six days and six nights concocting mission schemes and conducting ministry initiatives (as documented in my memoir When Despair Meets Delight). Ultimately, I would break with conscious reality and become a danger to myself and others. Were the drugs the cause of the psychosis or, because they were not properly prescribed, did they just light [...]

Brain Balm Vol. 1, Issue 2: Psychotropics – A Healing Prescriptiontonyroberts2022-05-29T18:27:51-04:00

Brain Balm; Volume 1, Issue 1: The Day the Voices were silenced.

"There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole."** **Songwriters: Nana MOUSKOURI / Roger LOUBET Balm in Gilead lyrics © Raoul Breton Editions Brain Balm is a once weekly newsletter exploring topics related to faith and mental illness. This week, and this week only, you will receive bonus devotions taken from my first book Delight in Disorder, available through Amazon. It started when I was taking a test Mr. Lang's Algebra II class. I was a precocious sophomore. I heard a voice. It started in my brain then shifted to the walls, the ceilings around me. "You're stupid. You're a phony. You are a failure." What started as one voice became two, three, ten, a cacophony of chaotic voices that would become my constant companion for over three decades. I have sought the best psychiatry. I have found a measure of relief to cope with the symptoms, but no lasting relief. [...]

Brain Balm; Volume 1, Issue 1: The Day the Voices were silenced.tonyroberts2022-05-22T13:44:59-04:00

Prayers Inspired by Psalms with a Friend by George Love

In his book Psalms with a Friend George Love recommends writing Psalm prayers after reading and reflecting on them. Here is my Psalm 18 prayer: God of the Sabbath, my enemies surround me and disturb me. I have been restless and have desperately tried to fight back, overextending myself. I panicked. Then I cried out to you. I asked my friends to pray for me. You heard my cries. You answered our prayers. You delivered me from the deadly ways of desperation and gave me restorative rest. And from Psalm 35: Then I will rejoice in the LORD. I will be glad because he rescues me. With every bone in my body I will praise him. Lord, who can compare with you? Who else rescues the helpless from the strong? (Psalm 35.9-10) ... give great joy to those who came to my defense. [...]

Prayers Inspired by Psalms with a Friend by George Lovetonyroberts2022-05-11T19:24:18-04:00

#remissionispossible

I have big news! I noticed yesterday I was feeling mellow. The only word I had for it was effortless. Today, I realized the voices in my head that have been constantly demanding my attention for over three decades have been silenced. Praise God and pass the sugar free sweet potato pie! #remissionispossible

#remissionispossibletonyroberts2022-05-10T12:09:56-04:00

Hope for Troubled Minds: Dear Bobby, from your grateful mom.

Dear Bobby, One of my greatest accomplishments in life was becoming your mother - I had hopes and dreams for the man you would become. Your intelligence, compassion and determination in everything you did brought me a great sense of pride. Bipolar disorder no doubt changed the way I see the world and what I now want for you, my loving son. This brain illness at times has made you say and do things uncharacteristic of the person that I know is deep inside of you. It is an illness that has caused much turmoil for you, for this I am deeply sorry and only wish that as your mother I could take the pain away. Despite great suffering, despair and heartbreak, bipolar disorder has taught me so much. It has taught me that we live in a world where those with serious brain disorders are discriminated against. We live [...]

Hope for Troubled Minds: Dear Bobby, from your grateful mom.tonyroberts2022-05-07T17:49:20-04:00

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