Finding the Divine God in the Midst of Human Disorder

“… neither Jesus nor Paul is especially concerned about order, niceness, or social control. They are concerned about transformation of persons and history and about using the very disorder of people’s lives to bring them to God.” ~ Richard Rohr

A thoughtful friend recently sent me the Richard Rohr meditation “A Man Who Lived and Loved Paradox” from which this quote comes. She knows I often struggle to find divine delight in the midst of desolating disorder. Lately I’ve been going through such times. Two days ago, I was certain I had discovered a vocational path as a poet who earned supplemental income as an AI editor. This prospect had me emotionally levitating above my mundane existance. I drifted off to sleep Wednesday night with dreams of making my mark on the world in spite of my madness.

Then came Thursday morning. Actually, it came and went. I slept through several alarms. Only I wasn’t sleeping. More like tossing and turning in turbulent turmoil. Noon passed. I was immobile. Some spirit was stripping me through the night of all vitality. My body ached. My mind was numb. My mouth was parched but I had no energy even to get a drink of water.

At some point I managed to pry myself out of bed, get cleaned up and dressed, and get something to eat and drink. I reached out to some friends who offered encouragement. Slowly, I joined the land of the living. I found a photo of my youngest daughter, laughing. It was a glimpse of divine delight in my desolationg disorder.

I am a man of extremes. Sometimes I wish I could control my emotions, manage my mood fluctuations better. After 62 years on the planet, I am beginning to accept that my best path through life is to grow closer to the divine presence of God in the midst of my disorder. With God’s help, I will, day by day, avoid addictive extremes (such as remaining abstinent from alcohol and other non-prescribed mood altering substances). But I intend to fully embrace the gamut of my emotions and express them in prayer as well as through my writing and other creative work.

I have been studying the Saints for some time now. They have become my daily and nightly companions. My prayer warriors. Those the Church has canonized as Saints are anything but ordinary. Said better, they are both extraordinarily human and wonderfully filled with the Divine Spirit. As a Catholic Christian, I aspire toward divine sainthood even as I wrestle with my disordered human Self. I have little desire to be orderly, nice, or socially acceptable. I want to be wholly holy – set on fire by the Spirit to glorify God and lay down my life in the service of God’s children.

Image: St Joseph of Cupertino Levitating, ca. 1762 by Felice Boscaratti, in the church of St Lawrence in Vicenza, Italy. (Image from Wikimedia Commons by Didier Descouens, CC BY-SA 4.0)

SAINT OF THE DAY (9/18): ST. JOSEPH CUPERTINO

St. Joseph of Cupertino was an Italian Franciscan friar known for his humility, miraculous levitations, and deep spirituality. Though he struggled with academics, his devotion and simplicity led him to the priesthood. He is the patron saint of students and aviators, remembered for his intense mystical experiences and miraculous ability to float in ecstasy during prayer.

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