My Mad Mission and the Method in My Madness

One of the methods in my madness as I pursue any mission is to seek counsel from a variety of sources. I have come to realize that in doing this, I open myself up to questions and comments I may not like. But I believe strongly that “iron sharpens iron” and I can typically detect constructive criticism from those that miss the mark. I also value the prayer power that comes out of having many intercessors, no matter their depth or breadth of faith.

I have put myself out there on two fronts this week. First, a Dual Disorders collaboration with Catholic in Recovery (CiR). I gleaned much favorable feedback. In short order the collaboration was approved and will start soon.

The leader of CiR’s Dual Disorders group also mentioned in our Zoom call that he would be interested in supporting me in my writing and future projects. With his forty-year tenure as a Research and Clinical Psychologist for a top-tier university/hospital, he has the credentials to back it up.

So, I reached out to my cadre of counselors with the idea of updating my memoir to include my dual diagnosis recovery and conversion to Catholicism.

I have since received a good deal of favorable. Except for a few, including one from a Christian psychologist questioning my spiritual and psychological stablility for such a big project.

At first I took it as a stab in the gut. I read it again. It’s a fair question. Maybe I am “still too crazy after all these years” to undertake a big project like this. I then slept off and on for twenty (yes 20!) hours. I woke up disoriented, in a fog. I had brunch with a friend. Slept more. Then invited my Spiritual Director for a soda. I told him about this message. He offered me encouragement.

Today, this Flannery O’Connor quote about confusing madness with mission came up in my Facebook memories.

I had to laugh. To keep from crying. I have published three books and each one in their own way consumed nearly all the psycho-spiritual strength I had. After Delight in Disorder I made the grandiose vision for taking a cross-country book tour and had to be “talked off the ledge” by editor. After When Despair Meets Delight, I wound up in the psych unit. After Hope for Troubled Minds, I admitted myself for dual diagnosis treatment.

It is clear that if I am going to sucessfully take up the mission of an extensive writing project, whether it develops into a book or not, I need to carefully consider my approach and deliberately set a pace I can sustain while maintaining good mental and spiritual health. As I set out on my next writing quest I ask myself if it is a foolhardy pursuit conceived by my madness or if it is a mission from God. It’s easy to confuse the two. Mad pursuits have in hindsight proven to be missions from God. And many who claim to be on a mission from God are simply mad.

One thing I know is I would rather devote myself to a mission that seems like nonsense than miss doing God’s mission in favor of safely making sense.