O Lord, God of my salvation;
I cry out day and night before you. (Psalm 88:1)
I’m finding it difficult to breathe right now. My chest constricts. My heart aches. My gut churns. Tears are welling up inside me. I’m near collapse.
What is happening?
I am under attack both within and beyond. Wave after wave of enemies envelop me. Overwhelm me. Cut me off from the Breath of life.
I believe; I also have doubts. Not about God, but about myself. Why would God pay attention to me? What if God wants to teach me a lesson by losing?
I’m clenching my fist to a thread of hope as the waves crash around me. I see no raft, no rescue ship — only the mist at sea.
Where is this coming from?
I have a marvelous life…
A wonderful wife.
A loyal dog.
A loving family.
A happy home.
A rewarding vocation.
I am blessed, by God.
And there are plenty of days I will giggle like a giddy school girl over this, delighting in the Lord for the joys of my existence.
But not today.
Today I will cry.
Cry out to the Lord for strength to make it through this moment.
And this one.
And now this.
Strength upon strength, grace after grace for the stamina to make it through each moment that lies ahead.
Let my prayer come before you;
incline your ear to hear my cry! (Psalm 88:2)