Delight in Disorder Ministries
Tony Roberts, Chief Shepherd
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
(Psalms 37:4)
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The Personal Cost of Freedom
I went to a fast food restaurant for dinner some time ago. The guy ahead of me had just come home from Afghanistan. He was buying dinner for his son and himself. The total came to over $20. He didn’t have enough. They said they would give him a 10% military discount. Still not enough. He started taking away food from his order until he could afford it. Sad. Then I saw a man who had heard this haggling hand him $100 bill and say, "Thanks for your service." The soldier teared up and said, "You don’t know how much this means to me." The man smiled and said, "You don’t know how much what you do means to me." I posted this story on Facebook and it got well over 100 likes and a dozen shares. It shows that people really want to care about those willing to give [...]
Nurse Ratched Now
{from Ken Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest} [Nurse Ratched] reached in the basket for the log book. “Must we go over past history?” That triggered something, some acoustic device in the walls, rigged to turn on at just the sound of those words coming from her mouth. The Acutes stiffened. Their mouths opened in unison. Her sweeping eyes stopped on the first man along the wall. His mouth worked. “I robbed a cash register in a service station.” She moved to the next man. “I tried to take my little sister to bed.” Her eyes clicked to the next man; each one jumped like a shooting-gallery target. “I—one time—wanted to take my brother to bed.” “I killed my cat when I was six. Oh, God forgive me, I stoned her to death and said my neighbor did it.” “I lied about trying. I did take my sister!” “So did [...]
Prayers Answered and Unanswered: Yes? No? Wait?
At age 55, my father-in-law was diagnosed with an advanced stage of colon cancer. He received an aggressive round of chemotherapy. Inexplicably, he went into a coma. We recruited prayer warriors throughout the country. In just a few weeks, one of his medical interns happened to read a case study that perfectly fit my father-in-laws profile. They adapted his treatment. He returned to full function. He is now 85 and enjoying life to its fullest. Prayers answered, "Yes." Some time ago, my (then) wife and I separated after 20 years of marriage. I desperately wanted to reconcile. I sought intensive counseling for over a year. I met with church elders and deacons. I prayed. My family prayed. My friends prayed. My church prayed. After 5 years, it became clear marriage reconciliation would not happen and we got a divorce. Prayers answered, "No." I served in pastoral ministry for twenty years [...]
The Bittersweet Blessing of Bipolar Revisited
The past three weeks I've been enjoying the blessing of bipolar. By this I mean I've been full of energy and positivity. I've been creative and very productive. What has been different in this manic binge is that I am still engaging in some self-care through prayer, diet, and sleep. I wouldn't say I've been perfectly balanced, but I'm making progress. I know this won't last. In fact, I have slept 20 out of the last 24 hours. My emotions are on edge. I snapped at my wife over a perceived slight that was anything but. This is the part I hate about my illness, but I still appreciate what it has given me. I say this realizing some experience more extreme symptoms and don't felt any redemption in their suffering. I grieve for this. This isn't my story. I find a bittersweet blessing in bipolar. This is what I [...]
What comes after When Despair Meets Delight? — Next Steps.
I’m been on quasi-sabbatical, letting go of some of my busyness to make room for God’s business in my life and ministry. For over a year now, my time has been consumed by my When Despair Meets Delight book and, while there are still things to do to “get it out there,” my mind can now mostly pivot to my next book, my next project, my next dream to pursue. It has been said of writers that there is nothing more terrifying than a blank page. Starting over is daunting for anyone, particularly when it seems we are starting from scratch. We can fool ourselves into believing we have to magically discover the one right thing to do out of an infinite number of wrong choices. This is the Enemy’s convincing lie designed to paralyze us from faithful action. I am devoting this season of transition to discerning prayer. I’m [...]
Delight in Disorder: Sin & Sickness
People ask me what the difference is between my first book, Delight in Disorder, and my second, When Despair Meets Delight. They are both about the two subjects I have the most passion for -- faith and mental illness. They both tell the story of my life and the lives of others in my ministry. They both press through dark valleys -- disorder/despair, and come to a bright pinnacle -- delight. Yes, there are some common features of the two books, but there are also some key distinctions. Delight in Disorder could be best described as a devotional memoir, a collection of 90 reflections on Psalm verses as they have shaped my life and my understanding of faith and mental illness. When Despair Meets Delight is a memoir of a minister with a mental illness and a model for mental health ministry. I wrote Delight in Disorder as therapy and [...]