I recently found the journal I kept while I was pregnant with you. I cried reading it. I never would have imagined how hard your life, our lives, would be. Our journey is not the one I wrote about in that journal. The hopes and dreams I had then are different from the ones I have now.
I know I’ve told you before, but you saved my life. The love I had for you, pushed me to leave the abusive situation we were in. I’m not sure if I would have made it out alive if I didn’t have you then. I thank the Universe for putting you in my life; she knew we needed each other.
I can’t believe you will be 29 in just a few weeks. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that you were a toddler playing in the dirt with your matchbox cars. Other times, it feels like we have been on this journey together for at least 60 years.
We have had some happy days, some average days, some hard days, and some super scary and exhausting days. But one constant has been my unconditional love for you. There has not been a day that has gone by that I haven’t loved you. Yes, there have been challenging days where I haven’t liked your choices, your behavior, the way you have treated me and others, but I have still loved you. I have loved you on your best day and on your worst. I have laughed with you and cried with you. I have literally talked you off of jumping off of a bridge several years ago. And after they took you to the hospital, I took 15 minutes to regroup and then I went to work. Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to (as a single mom.) Boy, we have had some tough days! But I have never left your side.
Just this past Christmas was tough for us. Our family was faced with illness and uncertainty. You were scared. This caused you to unleash on the one closest to you. You became angry and said hurtful things. You vowed never to talk to me again. Yet…I still loved you. Don’t get me wrong, my heart was crushed in a way that I wasn’t sure it would ever recover from. But I’m here and always will be.
I’m so grateful for you Justin. I’m blessed to be your mom. So while our lives look nothing like how I imagined them in my journal years ago, I’m grateful that we have the opportunity to rewrite it. As hard as our journey is, it is OUR journey, and I’m blessed to be on it with you. I LOVE YOU!
Love always… Mom