Spiritual Reflections

What Rochester Has Given Me: Grace Church (PCA)

Faith communities have been an essential aspect of my life. Since I retired from ministry, I have been blessed with two churches in particular. Columbus Reformed Presbyterian (Columbus, Indiana) and Grace Church PCA (Rochester, New York). I find it very reassuring that while I am leaving Grace PCA, I will have a spiritual family in Columbus RPC to call home. Still, there is much I am grateful for and want to celebrate with Grace. When I first showed up in Rochester, I was essentially homeless. A downtown church had paid a three-day voucher for me to stay at the Cadillac Hotel. I was grateful for the mission of this generous church, but it was not a good fit theologically or socially. I had researched PCA churches since I first read Prodigal God by Timothy Keller. I was drawn to their commitment to Biblical truth as well as Christ-centered mission. [...]

What Rochester Has Given Me: Grace Church (PCA)tonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:13-04:00

My Fall from Faith: Terri Nida

Two of our aims here at Delight in Disorder is to connect faith and mental illness in such a way that our suffering becomes redemptive and that we see our whole lives in a spiritual light. Body. Mind. Soul. I first read Terri's story in You Share: Stories that Matter. Some time later, she became a subscribing member of Delight in Disorder. So, I wrote to her about doing a guest post. She graciously agreed. While Terri is not diagnosed with a mental illness, she has struggled with depression most of her life and her story reveals such powerful immersion into the nature of suffering: physical, emotional, and spiritual, I thought it fit well here. This is her story... On August 18, 2013, I suddenly felt dizzy. It had been a nice Sunday afternoon. The hanging plants on my balcony were slowly swinging in the breeze, and I remember admiring [...]

My Fall from Faith: Terri Nidatonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

The Grim Disbelief of Sylvia Plath

Sylvia Plath doesn't reflect much on God in her early journals, but when she goes to provide child care for a Christian Science family, we see a developing theology which, though unorthodox, she articulates well. She finds some common ground with Christian Science, in the value placed on the importance of thought (Mind). But she differs in her perspective on the basis of this Mind. Now that I ponder over it, I do see a sudden neat edifice of logic, and I do agree with some of their generalizations in spite of the fact that I am philosophically at the other end of the pole, - a "matter worshiper". Yet, Plath is certainly more complex than a simple "Material Girl". I believe that there is a realm (abstractly, hypothetically, of course) of absolute fact. Something IS. And that, in our poor human lingo, would be the "truth". No sooner [...]

The Grim Disbelief of Sylvia Plathtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

Disturbing Dreams; Delightful Days

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:7-8) One night I had a dream. I was a pastor again, this time in a large church. People were praising me. Word was getting out about me. My reputation was spreading. My name and photo had even been placed on a Snickers bar. I was getting full of myself. I was heading for a fall. The dream was not far from the truth (except for the Snickers bar). There was a time when my ministry was celebrated, I was advancing in my career, and my name was recognized. I like to think I gave God the credit, but I fear all too often I didn't. Then, I fell. Hard. In my case, my mental illness got the best of me. This [...]

Disturbing Dreams; Delightful Daystonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

Thus Sayeth the Lord: How Can I Hear God’s True Voice?

Sharon Rawlette, one of my regular readers posed a fascinating question that has inspired this post. In essence, she asks, how can we discriminate between “true” voice of God from “false”ones? This question gets to the heart of how God speaks to us as well as how the Enemy tries to keep us from hearing. First, look at what it says in Hebrews: “Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed to be heir of all things, through whom also he created the world.” (Hebrews 1:1-2) Jesus is the Word of God spoken at creation, made flesh in his miraculous birth, demonstrated in his compassionate ministry, redeemed in his sacrificial death, enlivened by his resurrection, and delegated to the Holy Spirit after Christ's ascension. [...]

Thus Sayeth the Lord: How Can I Hear God’s True Voice?tonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

Devoted to the Word with Mental Illness: Susan Irene Fox

The mission of Delight in Disorder is to share the hope of Christ with persons who have troubled minds, and to shatter stigma towards mental illness within and beyond the church. One of the best ways I know to do this is to tell our stories. Susan Irene Fox describes herself as a “Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human.” She recently celebrated her ten year anniversary “since I walked into the embrace of my Father’s arms.” Me: How did you mark your ten-year anniversary? Susan: I looked back at some things that occurred right after I accepted Jesus. One of the biggest things was six months later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was almost as though the devil had been lurking for an opportune time to tempt me into forsaking God. But I never went there, never even went into fear. I just knew God was holding my hand [...]

Devoted to the Word with Mental Illness: Susan Irene Foxtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

Leaving Affinity

Six days ago, I checked into Affinity Place, a peer-run mental health respite/retreat house. Tonight is my last night. Looking back over the week, I'm reflecting on how the Spirit has moved in this ministry of Affinity. I can think of three specific ways: First, the Lord has provided refuge for me. I had reached a critical juncture of mental instability alone at home. I was particularly vulnerable during the nights I couldn't sleep. Here at Affinity, a staff person is on site 24/7. When my sleep was disturbed, I simply came downstairs and talked about it with someone who knew first-hand what I was going through. Next, I have renewed my commitment to valuable spiritual disciplines, particularly morning Scripture reading and prayer. At home, I had become lax in these practices. I was not starting my day talking to and listening for the Lord. While at Affinity Place, God [...]

Leaving Affinitytonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

Good Friday: Life at Affinity Place

Good Friday. The day Christians around the world mark the death of the One equal with God, who died a horrific death on a cross so we might live with him forever. John Witvilet says this about the day: "Making peace through the blood of his cross" is like saying that a nuclear missile has become an olive-branch, that Guantanamo has become a garden of healing, that a sword has been turned into a plowshare, that a tank has been turned into a tractor. The very thought of it leaves us weak in the knees with astonishment. ("A Crescendo of Wonder," Christianity Today) Good Friday is only good because of what happens on Easter. Death is swallowed up in victory. Christ who died becomes Christ who is Risen so he can be Christ who comes again. I'm not attending a Good Friday service this year. I planned to, but evidently [...]

Good Friday: Life at Affinity Placetonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:37-04:00

The Cost of the Cross, Much More than a Free Smiley Face

The symbol of Christianity is a cross, not a smiley face. I write this on the Tuesday of Holy Week, the week we remember the final earthly mission of Jesus Christ, culminating in his sacrificial death and glorious resurrection. When I was a pastor, I would silently refer to this as “Holy Hell Week.” I was expected to do four times as much ministry and all with a cheerful demeanor. It was only by the grace of God that I did, at least to the degree that I did. Easter, of course, was designed to be the spiritual peak, the week you could reach many more folks than the rest of the year. People came to hear the Good News that “Christ is Risen, He is Risen Indeed.” Because Christ is risen, we have the hope of new life in Christ. Very few from the Easter crowd had come to [...]

The Cost of the Cross, Much More than a Free Smiley Facetonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:38-04:00

Praying for Caleb

For 13 years, he was the life of the party, greeting everyone in church, directing praise, sharing a smile or loving touch with those who needed it most. Suddenly, 3 years ago, he developed a mysterious condition that has baffled even the top specialist at Johns Hopkins. He became nearly catatonic and has regressed to the point that all he can do on his own is eat. Recently, we consulted an ear, nose, and throat specialist who found Caleb's lingual tonsils are restricting oxygen to Caleb's brain. Surgery is scheduled today. I am praying for complete miraculous healing for Caleb, to the glory of God. Second, I pray that whatever lies ahead, we witness to the spiritual healing of Christ. Please pray and invite other prayer warriors to do so. Call upon the One who alone heals us and makes us whole. #PrayingForCaleb. Update: Caleb's surgery is complete. The doctor [...]

Praying for Calebtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:38-04:00