tonyroberts, Author at Delight in Disorder

He Was in Heaven Before He Died

I wrote this story about a decade ago. It is not based solely on facts. I did have a Grandpa George and this was pretty much how he lived and died. But I didn't make it to the funeral. Instead, I was in a hellish heaven of my own on the psych unit of Columbia Presbyterian. I got the call late at night that Grandpa George had died. He had lived a hard life. He didn't have the opportunity to get a good education. He never learned to read or write because his demanding father made him quit school to help in the fields. He worked hard to get by and managed to scrape together a living. He met a woman - Maize - at the tomato factory where he worked. She says he was throwing tomatoes at her, so she knew he liked her. They were married [...]

He Was in Heaven Before He Diedtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:07-04:00

Who Are You?

I am a Christian who has bipolar disorder. I cycle from extreme mania to pits of depression, but I am not a manic-depressive. My identity is not in my illness. My identity is in Christ. Where do you find your identity? This morning my pastor shared a story of a teenage girl who had lost a sense of her she was. Like many her age, she had looked for her identity in relationships with others just as lost as she was. Her self-worth plummeted. Whatever confidence she once had crashed to the ground. She desperately needed someone to pick her up, someone to share with her the hope that was rooted in her faith. Not just some wish for better days, but a genuine hope that would hold onto her when she fell. Somehow, she found her way to the pastor's study. He sat quietly with her. Listened to her. [...]

Who Are You?tonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:07-04:00

Van Gogh & Our Vocations

On July 2, 2018, I published the following post entitled "Van Gogh & Me: Pursuing Our Vocations." My friend Mark Rockwell shared it on his Facebook page with this comment: Interesting topic that I'd love to hear from friends of mine in the visual, musical, and word art worlds. Can you imagine pouring yourself out in art, relative to your spiritual life, and not making a penny from it, but, instead, depending upon the support of just a few? Would you be able to sustain your production of art without the affirmation of the public during your lifetime? Is there a border between the art that you create out of need, as a release valve, and the art that you make public and hope that others will see/consider/purchase? Is there art that you create purely for the glory of God or as a natural fruit of your relationship with Him? [...]

Van Gogh & Our Vocationstonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:07-04:00

A Church With No Walls

This has been a particularly good week to be part of a faith family that cares and shares. Last weekend, my prayer partner contacted me about how I was coming along in a terribly difficult family conflict. We prayed for each other as brothers in Christ. This week, an elder followed up to ask if I needed any financial assistance. I told him I was holding up so far, but that the offer was a huge show of support. Yesterday, my pastor and his family showed up at an author fair I was featured in. Their smiles made my whole day. Today, a man came up to me to tell me how much he appreciated my article in the local newspaper. Yes, it has been a particularly good week to be a receiving and contributing member of my faith family. A healthy, holy church includes all God's children both by [...]

A Church With No Wallstonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:07-04:00

Dealing with Suicide

I'm doing an interview with Brainstorms tomorrow. Brainstorms is a radio show hosted by Megan Malfi on Hamilton Radio focusing mostly on mental health and mental disabilities or disorders. On Brainstorms they are always striving to learn more about different mental disorders, how they can help others stay mentally healthy, and how to cope with mental illness in ourselves or a loved one. "Whether we’re talking about things we love that make us happy or things that give us stress, our goal is always to convey the message that YOU HAVE VALUE." Megan and I have been communicating for about a month on how we can be mutually supportive in our ministries. She very graciously offered to take the first step and invite me on her program. As a diligent host, she has since read Delight in Disorder and has asked very soul-searching questions. One is this -- A lot of [...]

Dealing with Suicidetonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:07-04:00

Flight Risk

July 9, 2018, 6:30 a.m. Indianapolis airport... I sit in a cafe sipping mediocre coffee to cap off a $20 breakfast. It’s a price I’m willing to pay for the peace of mind to be at the gate several hours early to collect myself. December, 1983 to Kansas City... I become jazzed for Jesus at a New Year's Eve prayer party sponsored by Campus Crusade for Christ. I return and discover all my possessions had been taken from my apartment. I spend the night at a local IHOP, witnessing to the waitress. For a tip, I leave two quarters and a tract, all I have left to give. March, 1988 to Boston... I visit a woman I met on a mission farm in Georgia. I spend the days reading The Autobiography of Malcolm X and the nights belittling her for being an upper-class liberal. October, 1992 to San Francisco... I travel [...]

Flight Risktonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:07-04:00

Revealing Voices: The First 10 Episodes

One of my social media friends, Cat Lyons, asked me if Revealing Voices is still running. It is. This faith-based, peer-led, story-driven, stigma-breaking podcast is now 10 episodes strong. All these episodes can be accessed through our website: Revealing Voices {dot} com. Here you will find a diverse collection of voices from people on the front-lines of faith & mental illness. Nurses. Pastors. Writers. Activists. Therapists. Advocates, and others. For a taste, here are the episode titles (with links) and show notes. Episode 1: "Faithful Family": Jen Riddle (Eric's wife) & April Cohen (my sister) discuss what drew them into their spiritual and healing professions. April shares what it is like to care for an adult brother who has bipolar disorder, and Jen reveals how she and Eric navigate a relationship with a mental health diagnosis. Episode 2: "Amy Simpson is Unsatisfied": Amy is an author, speaker, and life & leadership [...]

Revealing Voices: The First 10 Episodestonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:07-04:00

The Exuberant Life

It is a curious request to make of God. Shield your joyous ones, asks the Anglican prayer: Shield your joyous ones. ~ Kay Redfield Jamison, Exuberance: The Passion for Life. I stayed up reading poetry one night.* And the next day. And into the next night. And the following day. A poetry marathon. And the more I read the more enthused I became. Each poem put a longing in me to read the next. I felt so alive. My skin tingled. Pathways to my brain that had been blocked for almost 25 years were cleared. A lightning bug floated in the air around me, dancing with the illumined sparks on the screen that spoke inspired words to me. The next day a friend asked me, "Are you manic?" Maybe, I thought. Or maybe I'm just excited. Enthused. On fire with life. Staying up all night, and the next day, can [...]

The Exuberant Lifetonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:08-04:00

Poetry: Now and Then

I have been writing a good bit of poetry and fiction over the past 4 years that I've reserved for conventional publication. I've finally reached a point where I feel the desire to share some of it with you who read my work and respond so graciously. These pieces do not directly address topics of faith and mental illness, but they are examples of how one person of faith who struggles with mental illness finds a measure of healing in the written word. I wrote the core of this poem the day I received word that my ex-wife had accepted the terms of our divorce. It also happened to be my birthday. I drive through my hometown; Nothing is the same. Heinz’s Grocery is gone; Bud’s Bait Shop is boarded up; The school has been torn down. My lawyer calls; Everything is settled. Joint custody, [...]

Poetry: Now and Thentonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:08-04:00

Remembering

Remember the days of old; consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you. (Deuteronomy 32:7) Memories are pliable things. They are easily bent by life experiences and influenced by the shape of our faith. What happens to us and what we believe colors our memories. No two persons share identical memories, even should they grow up in the same family -- perhaps especially if they do. This weekend we are having a celebration of life for my grandparents. With their passing, we have lost a generation that may never be replaced. There has been a tear in the fabric of our family. No one to unite us in faith. No one to gather us for games or work projects. We miss them terribly and we don't want them to just disappear as if they never existed. We want [...]

Rememberingtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:08-04:00

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