grace – Delight in Disorder

My Biggest Thanks is Grace by Ray Lehman

My biggest thanks is the Grace that God provides. This Grace can only be given as a gift and it is undeserving. If I were to be aware of the awesomeness of God but had no Grace that was available to me, I would go mad, or more mad than I already am, as I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective type bipolar disorder. Jesus provided a way where there was no way. God had showed us that blood must be shed for the forgiveness of our sins. All the way back to Cain and Abel and the sacrifices they provided to God. Jesus was the Lamb of God to be the final and ultimate sacrifice for the sins of those that would believe and receive His gift of ultimate redemption with the Father and indwelling of Their Spirit, the Holy Spirit. We see with Abraham and Isaac the story being [...]

My Biggest Thanks is Grace by Ray Lehmantonyroberts2024-01-30T09:09:02-05:00

Karma vs. Grace: A Psycho-Spiritual Analysis

Karma means action and action motivated by compassion is good. To complain that what happens to you is just the result of your karma is lazy. Instead, confidently recalling the advice that, "You are your own master," you can change what happens by taking action. ~ Dalai Lama. If you want God's grace, all you need is need, all you need is nothing. But that kind of spiritual humility is hard to muster. We come to God saying, "Look at all I've done," or maybe "Look at all I've suffered." God, however, wants us to look to him... ~ Timothy Keller. I have a good friend (I'll call her Trish) who practices Buddhism. Trish says she likes having a teacher tell her what to do to gain spiritual enlightenment. She claims this is just what Jesus did with his disciples. He showed them the right things to do, and [...]

Karma vs. Grace: A Psycho-Spiritual Analysistonyroberts2021-08-22T18:34:04-04:00

A Wondrous Lifestyle Change

I have now admitted that I am powerless over my compulsive eating -- that my life has become unmanageable. But this is not the full truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. It is not the Gospel truth. The Gospel says this: By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. (2 Peter 1:3) I have all I need to stay clean from sugar and eat well not on my own, but through all the many means God gives me. My intellect and desire. Food labels and the money to purchase healthy food. My sponsor and friends in recovery. My wife and family encouraging me. Prayer and reflection on Scripture and other spiritual readings. I am blessed by God with so many things to keep me on track. So how does this relate to my mental illness? One key component toward mental [...]

A Wondrous Lifestyle Changetonyroberts2021-08-03T17:34:40-04:00

Songs of Thankfulness and Praise by Christopher Wordsworth

Grant us grace to see Thee, Lord, Present in Thy holy Word; Grace to imitate Thee now And be pure, as pure art Thou; That we might become like Thee At Thy great epiphany And may praise Thee, ever blest, God in flesh made manifest. (from "Songs of Thankfulness and Praise" by Christopher Wordsworth)

Songs of Thankfulness and Praise by Christopher Wordsworthtonyroberts2021-01-16T09:53:06-05:00

Musings of a Bipolar Soul

On June 13, 2009, I was driving along the scenic shores of the Finger Lakes region of New York wondering what I was going to do with my life. I was 45. I had spent most of the last two decades serving as a pastor while battling bipolar disorder. At my best, I had time and energy left to enjoy family life with my wonderful wife and four beautiful children. At my worst, I either laid under the covers in a dark bedroom or frantically pursued plans ill-conceived and left undone. I looked out the window and prayed for vision. Suddenly, it came to me. I would write a book about bipolar and the faith that either fuels us to distraction or saves us from self-destruction. In less than 20 miles, I conceived of a collection of devotions, inspired by the Psalms. That journey that began along the shores [...]

Musings of a Bipolar Soultonyroberts2019-06-03T16:12:11-04:00

When Good Things Happen to Grandiose People

... in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”(1 Corinthians 12. 7-9) I was on the fast track to spiritual success. My ministry was producing fruit. Lives were being changed. I was on a mission from God and I knew it. God told me. This came crashing down when I had a medication-induced manic episode. I spent the better part of a year in and out of the psych hospital and recuperating at home. My primary mission reverted from bringing salvation to others to staying awake long enough to eat and take my medication. With the help of God working through others, I returned to pastoral ministry and [...]

When Good Things Happen to Grandiose Peopletonyroberts2019-04-08T08:57:58-04:00

Far From Alone

As I write this, I am on the heels of a depressive episode that has threatened to kick my legs out from under me. For almost a week, I've been holed up my apartment; sleeping, watching television, staring at the computer screen. Menacing voices scream inside my head even as I hit the letters on my keyboard, yelling that I am an impostor, that I have nothing to say that people would want to hear. At times like these, the fact that God delights in me is far removed from my thoughts and feelings. Instead my thoughts are filled with things I've done wrong, my feelings are dominated by regret and shame. I sleep and sleep and sleep some more, but even my dreams are distorted by fears that I am unlovable, that I am alone in a pit of despair, far from delight. But I'm not alone. I know [...]

Far From Alonetonyroberts2017-10-13T10:02:57-04:00

Escape from Death

Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death. (Psalm 68:20) In the years since my suicide attempt I’ve had a great deal of time to reflect on its meaning and the purpose of my life then and now. At times, I’ve described it as a one-time fluke. I had never before nor have I since been seriously suicidal. But the attempt was more than a fluke. It was an attack. It was a spiritual attack from an enemy who wants nothing more than to get God’s children to give up. It was an attack for which I was ill-prepared despite decades of study and devotion. It was an attack I pray never comes again though I know it could. I know I need to be devotionally disciplined on a daily basis in case I am attacked again. The most important part of the [...]

Escape from Deathtonyroberts2017-05-30T14:04:32-04:00