Dave Meyers writes, “It’s been a hard long hard road, from state hospital, to transitional housing buildings, to where I am at now. I am in debt to God for this journey, even throughout the many pitfalls. Dave finds great joy in learning, and thinks it’s never too late for a person to find their true purpose. He has suffered extreme suffering and rejection, but has been able to transform this disappointment into joy in serving others. Although some of this suffering includes approaching death face to face, he has helped people through his writing, expressing transformation. He helped people express themselves in their writing as a creative expressions group facilitator for the Buffalo Psychiatric Center.
As a former smoker, he also played a part in others on their journey quitting smoking. While having led other groups, he has also contributed to the blog for the Schizophrenia and Related Disorders Alliance of America and the National Shattering Silence Coalition.
Recently he has lended a hand to the nonprofit Building Beyond Me, and is looking to gradually increase his contributions to the Anti-Stigma radio show “Moments of Clarity With Tiffany”. He currently pursues university work in Creative Writing and Psychology. He lives alone In Buffalo, New York.
I feel a big sense of obligation to do really well at everything I try. There has been an enormous fear of success for most of my adult life. I always start something, but I’m never able to finish it. Could this come from uncaring parents? Could it come from being mocked as a young child?
I have never felt comfortable with who I am. Success daunts me, because I think I don’t deserve it. Incidentally when I was in my twenties, I worked several jobs which led to understanding the need to go on social security disability. I have found it hard to adapt to rigid structures.
At the same time, I think everyone has a different sensibility to adapting to structure. Structures are necessary, but often I find it’s good to wing it and take it as it comes. Yet other times having a plan in place is favorable. It seems to vary by circumstance.
What is the main thing that keeps me bound to a kind of structure now, and helps me achieve success? Given my fear of success it’s hard to believe I can achieve anything. I am reminded of my failures just by turning on the TV and seeing others who are more successful than I am.
In my life I have been plagued by failure, time and time again. It’s hard to keep on going when there are others in the media constantly reminding me of my shortcomings. I find I am left to face myself continuously.
This is perhaps a bit more true than before 2020, when it was easier to distract myself from unpleasant experiences. The inevitably facing myself is realized now, as well as with people everywhere, Throughout this situation I have found great use in reaching out to others and checking in with myself. I have been left to understand distraction as a great wellness tool.
However at the heart of my existence is an increasing willingness to face my inner demons. This is as I align myself with the forces of my own greater good, Christ. Aligning with my own greater good through Christ can help me do better for others, while doing better for others also aligns me better with myself.
In the beginning of 2021 I place faith in my own ability, and trust others, to shine through and allow for a better day. With the world the way it is I have faith this will at least help me carry through. The glory of God shines through in the end, and I know He will create a better life for me as I clean up my life and create a better tomorrow.
