Delight in Disorder: Ministry, Madness, Mission2017-06-24T18:57:55+00:00

When Depression Looks Like Laziness

I went to bed last night at 6 p.m.. I got out of bed at 1 p.m. this afternoon. 19 hours. Sometimes it's longer. This time it would have been had not Briley, my 80 pound lab overpowered me with her playful bites on my hand and slobbering kisses across my face. Briley loves me very much and doesn't want me to add to the despair of my depression by wallowing on a bed of misery. Before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I attributed days like these to sheer laziness. I couldn't understand why some days I was so eager to start the day that I would wake up hours before my alarm. Sometimes not sleeping at all. Then other days it was like a Sumo wrestler sat on my gut, pinning me down with no chance of escape. How do I tell if I am buried in depression [...]

By |October 21st, 2018|Categories: Mental Illness, Spiritual Reflections|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Growing Delight in Disorder

One thing I have learned in my spiritual life is not only is it more blessed to give than to receive, but it is more rewarding. As a pastor, I observed many who came to church sporadically, made no effort to participate in service, and gave only a few small bills whenever the mood struck them. One common feature I consistently noticed in these folks is that their spiritual growth was stunted.  I saw first hand that those who withhold their time, talent, and money from kingdom work, isolated themselves from God's abundant grace experienced in generous community. I am no longer in pastoral ministry, but I see the same principle apply to my mission here at Delight in Disorder. Over the course of the last five years, I am reaching a growing number of persons impacted by mental illness. These folks need encouragement, support, and spiritual counsel. I have [...]

Get Your Personal Delight in Disorder

Since publishing my spiritual memoir, I have been blessed to see the many ways God has used it to reach the lives of those impacted by mental illness. At a library book signing the night it was released, over 100 were in attendance. As I shared some of my story and read portions of the book, expressions of recognition came over the faces in the crowd. In the Q & A section, one man said, I have lived with schizo-affective disorder for over 50 years and I've tried to keep it a secret. Thank you for showing me the value of sharing my story. Also at that gathering was a young Eric Riddle who, like me, has bipolar. Eric had recently been hospitalized and was looking for a way to put his life back together. We agreed to meet weekly for prayer and discernment and from this was conceived our [...]

By |October 15th, 2018|Categories: Church, Delight in Disorder, Mental Illness, Ministry, Mission|Tags: , , |0 Comments

The Young and the Anxious: World Mental Health Day

I am a baby in the Baby Boom Generation, born in 1964. I remember doing drills where at the teacher's command, we would hide under our desks, get on our knees and cover our heads. The thinking was that in case of a nuclear attack, those wobbly cast metal one-unit desks would shelter us from radiation. We may have been foolish, but damn, we believed in the power of our own resourcefulness. Even though I came from a "broken home," I was encouraged by voices of teachers, coaches, and pastors around me that I could rise above my station and aim for a better life. "You are good student," "You understand the game," "God has big things in store for you." These voices filled me with hope during particularly dark days at home. Wednesday, October 10 is World Mental Health Day. The focus this year is "Young People and Mental [...]

By |October 8th, 2018|Categories: Mental Illness, Spiritual Reflections|Tags: , , |0 Comments

The End of the World (as they knew it)

There was a knock at the door and suddenly the lights went out. “It’s the end of the world!” said Maura, devotee of Jeanne Dixon. “We need to pray.” said Peter. At 16, Peter had found his way into a youth group. “First we need to confess,” said Father, a lapsed Catholic. “I’ll go get my cell phone." said Thomas,  I just downloaded  “The Virtual Vatican." Thomas had doubts, but he wasn't taking any chances. “Let’s just answer the damn door and check the breakers!”  said Sonya. Last year Sonya had come out as an atheist.  Two years ago, she came out as a lesbian.  The year before that, as Bipolar. Sonya answered the door.  Nobody was there.  She checked the breakers.  None of the fuses were blown. “I tell you, it’s the end the world!" “Let us pray.” “Father, forgive us, for we have sinned.” “Where’s my damn cell [...]

By |October 7th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Baking Cookies; Confronting Abuse

by Amanda Ladwig... One of the many amazing things about truly working through childhood sexual abuse is the act of taking every single thought, and terrible memory captive and watching Christ redeem them. Facing them. Feeling them. Without making excuses. Without placing or taking the blame. The abuse and abuser no longer linger in the darkest parts of your mind controlling or tainting the memories you have. They are front and center. Begging to be defeated. Every day, and sometimes minute-by-minute, there are battles fought to reclaim simple things, innocent objects, smells, and sounds. Things that may seem trivial to others represent a great victory. That being said, today I fought a battle and won. Today, I reclaimed what should have been a pleasant childhood memory. Today, I ate an Italian wedding cookie and enjoyed it. That won't mean much to you, but to me, it is a significant victory. [...]

By |October 2nd, 2018|Categories: Spiritual Reflections|Tags: , , |0 Comments

When Depression Looks Like Laziness

I went to bed last night at 6 p.m.. I got out of bed at 1 p.m. this afternoon. 19 hours. Sometimes it's longer. This time it would have been had not Briley, my 80 pound lab overpowered me with her playful bites on my hand and slobbering kisses across my face. Briley loves me very much and doesn't want me to add to the despair of my depression by wallowing on a bed of misery. Before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I attributed days like these to sheer laziness. I couldn't understand why some days I was so eager to start the day that I would wake up hours before my alarm. Sometimes not sleeping at all. Then other days it was like a Sumo wrestler sat on my gut, pinning me down with no chance of escape. How do I tell if I am buried in depression [...]

By |October 21st, 2018|Categories: Mental Illness, Spiritual Reflections|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Growing Delight in Disorder

One thing I have learned in my spiritual life is not only is it more blessed to give than to receive, but it is more rewarding. As a pastor, I observed many who came to church sporadically, made no effort to participate in service, and gave only a few small bills whenever the mood struck them. One common feature I consistently noticed in these folks is that their spiritual growth was stunted.  I saw first hand that those who withhold their time, talent, and money from kingdom work, isolated themselves from God's abundant grace experienced in generous community. I am no longer in pastoral ministry, but I see the same principle apply to my mission here at Delight in Disorder. Over the course of the last five years, I am reaching a growing number of persons impacted by mental illness. These folks need encouragement, support, and spiritual counsel. I have [...]

Get Your Personal Delight in Disorder

Since publishing my spiritual memoir, I have been blessed to see the many ways God has used it to reach the lives of those impacted by mental illness. At a library book signing the night it was released, over 100 were in attendance. As I shared some of my story and read portions of the book, expressions of recognition came over the faces in the crowd. In the Q & A section, one man said, I have lived with schizo-affective disorder for over 50 years and I've tried to keep it a secret. Thank you for showing me the value of sharing my story. Also at that gathering was a young Eric Riddle who, like me, has bipolar. Eric had recently been hospitalized and was looking for a way to put his life back together. We agreed to meet weekly for prayer and discernment and from this was conceived our [...]

By |October 15th, 2018|Categories: Church, Delight in Disorder, Mental Illness, Ministry, Mission|Tags: , , |0 Comments

The Young and the Anxious: World Mental Health Day

I am a baby in the Baby Boom Generation, born in 1964. I remember doing drills where at the teacher's command, we would hide under our desks, get on our knees and cover our heads. The thinking was that in case of a nuclear attack, those wobbly cast metal one-unit desks would shelter us from radiation. We may have been foolish, but damn, we believed in the power of our own resourcefulness. Even though I came from a "broken home," I was encouraged by voices of teachers, coaches, and pastors around me that I could rise above my station and aim for a better life. "You are good student," "You understand the game," "God has big things in store for you." These voices filled me with hope during particularly dark days at home. Wednesday, October 10 is World Mental Health Day. The focus this year is "Young People and Mental [...]

By |October 8th, 2018|Categories: Mental Illness, Spiritual Reflections|Tags: , , |0 Comments

The End of the World (as they knew it)

There was a knock at the door and suddenly the lights went out. “It’s the end of the world!” said Maura, devotee of Jeanne Dixon. “We need to pray.” said Peter. At 16, Peter had found his way into a youth group. “First we need to confess,” said Father, a lapsed Catholic. “I’ll go get my cell phone." said Thomas,  I just downloaded  “The Virtual Vatican." Thomas had doubts, but he wasn't taking any chances. “Let’s just answer the damn door and check the breakers!”  said Sonya. Last year Sonya had come out as an atheist.  Two years ago, she came out as a lesbian.  The year before that, as Bipolar. Sonya answered the door.  Nobody was there.  She checked the breakers.  None of the fuses were blown. “I tell you, it’s the end the world!" “Let us pray.” “Father, forgive us, for we have sinned.” “Where’s my damn cell [...]

By |October 7th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Baking Cookies; Confronting Abuse

by Amanda Ladwig... One of the many amazing things about truly working through childhood sexual abuse is the act of taking every single thought, and terrible memory captive and watching Christ redeem them. Facing them. Feeling them. Without making excuses. Without placing or taking the blame. The abuse and abuser no longer linger in the darkest parts of your mind controlling or tainting the memories you have. They are front and center. Begging to be defeated. Every day, and sometimes minute-by-minute, there are battles fought to reclaim simple things, innocent objects, smells, and sounds. Things that may seem trivial to others represent a great victory. That being said, today I fought a battle and won. Today, I reclaimed what should have been a pleasant childhood memory. Today, I ate an Italian wedding cookie and enjoyed it. That won't mean much to you, but to me, it is a significant victory. [...]

By |October 2nd, 2018|Categories: Spiritual Reflections|Tags: , , |0 Comments