Uncategorized

Godly Sorrow Over Deadly Grief: Reflecting on my Suicide Attempt

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak. (Psalm 31.8-10) This week I shared my story with a youth group at Eminence Christian Church (IN). I started by having the youth turn to each other and say, "God loves you more than you can imagine," then, "God brought you here to be blessed." I then went through how God had orchestrated events in my life over the past decade to bring me there tonight. The event that almost prevented me from being there. My despair over it. My book. The support of my family and friends moving back to Indiana. My blog post about suicide. The youth leader reading it and inviting me to come. The [...]

Godly Sorrow Over Deadly Grief: Reflecting on my Suicide Attempttonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:05-04:00

even more friends: to me, to my friends, and to famous folks (part 3 of 3)

While your spouse may well be your most intimate friend, s/he should never be your only friend. If you try to let off all your steam in the marriage relationship, there is bound to be an explosion. ~ Tony Roberts. I am mad, I am going under, I must follow the advice of a friend, and pay no heed to myself. ― Stendhal, The Red and the Black. Someone you were meant to spend your life with. Those you realize God orchestrated into your life from the beginning. ~ Paula Mellencamp Hauch. “We were two throats and one eye and we had no price.” ― Toni Morrison. Friendship....unconditional love...it continues beyond time and space.....feels like your favorite old comfortable clothes. A friend doesn't judge, critize, only gives advice when asked...they listen. ~ Deva Richey. It is proper for people to have friends, friendships without self-interest. Without friends, life is [...]

even more friends: to me, to my friends, and to famous folks (part 3 of 3)tonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:09-04:00

more friends: to me, to my friends, and to famous folks.

I like my friends like I like my coffee -- strong enough to wake me up in the morning, yet smooth enough to ease me into the day. ~ Tony Roberts. I think that real friendship always makes us feel such sweet gratitude, because the world almost always seems like a very hard desert, and the flowers that grow there seem to grow against such high odds.― Stephen King, A good friend is not overly sensitive and makes a better effort at communication and contact. ~ Rachel Yahne-Oakes A letter always seemed to me like immortality because it is the mind alone without corporeal friend. ― Emily Dickinson 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, [...]

more friends: to me, to my friends, and to famous folks.tonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:09-04:00

a friend… to me, to my friends, and to famous folks.

A friend is... ... the boy who plays you in 1-on-1 until the score reaches 1 million to 1 million. ... the girl who teaches you to do cartwheels with no hands. ... the guy who takes you cruising while you listen to "Running with the Devil," on volume 11. ... the '67 Belvedere that gets you where you need to go even when it won't shift into reverse. ... the roommate who stays up all night with you every time a girl turns you down. ... the guitar player who sings John Prine songs with you every night after dinner. ... the one who goes with you to Waffle House at 3 in the morning to finish your term paper. ... the man who visits you on the psych unit and makes it seem like you are sitting at your kitchen table. ... the woman who messages you about everything [...]

a friend… to me, to my friends, and to famous folks.tonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:09-04:00

Grandma’s Soft Hands

She had the softest hands of any woman I ever touched, of any woman who ever touched me. I asked her one time, “Grandma, how do you keep your hands so soft?” “Dishes. Wash plenty of dishes.” Maybe she thought this would motivate me to do more work around the house instead of constantly burying my nose in a book. No, dishwashing alone wasn’t the secret of Grandma's soft hands. It was lotion. Tons and tons of lotion. My sister revealed this to me after nearly half a century of going on the washing-dishes-alone-theory. Every baby born to the family for almost five decades felt the gentle touch of Grandma's loving hands as she played with us and prayed with us, as she read to us, as she taught some to work and shook her head at why others wouldn't. My Uncle Geoff is the one who carries on [...]

Grandma’s Soft Handstonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:13-04:00

Sabbath as Rhythmic Recreation

The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. Mark 6:30-31 Some time ago, I read an article about a family that filed a lawsuit against a local hospital claiming that an on-call medical resident had contributed to to their loved one's death. The resident was in the midst of 48 hours of grueling work, without sleep, in this level 1 trauma hospital. Sheer exhaustion prevented him from making good medical judgment. In response to this suit the state legislature made it illegal for residents to work long hours without rest. To protect lives, it is necessary that those who care for others care for themselves as well. The best [...]

Sabbath as Rhythmic Recreationtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:13-04:00

Far From Alone

As I write this, I am on the heels of a depressive episode that has threatened to kick my legs out from under me. For almost a week, I've been holed up my apartment; sleeping, watching television, staring at the computer screen. Menacing voices scream inside my head even as I hit the letters on my keyboard, yelling that I am an impostor, that I have nothing to say that people would want to hear. At times like these, the fact that God delights in me is far removed from my thoughts and feelings. Instead my thoughts are filled with things I've done wrong, my feelings are dominated by regret and shame. I sleep and sleep and sleep some more, but even my dreams are distorted by fears that I am unlovable, that I am alone in a pit of despair, far from delight. But I'm not alone. I know [...]

Far From Alonetonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:38-04:00

Escape from Death

Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death. (Psalm 68:20) In the years since my suicide attempt I’ve had a great deal of time to reflect on its meaning and the purpose of my life then and now. At times, I’ve described it as a one-time fluke. I had never before nor have I since been seriously suicidal. But the attempt was more than a fluke. It was an attack. It was a spiritual attack from an enemy who wants nothing more than to get God’s children to give up. It was an attack for which I was ill-prepared despite decades of study and devotion. It was an attack I pray never comes again though I know it could. I know I need to be devotionally disciplined on a daily basis in case I am attacked again. The most important part of the [...]

Escape from Deathtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:38-04:00