tonyroberts, Author at Delight in Disorder

Responding to Suicide

This post was originally published August 11, 2014. Robin Williams is dead, apparently of suicide after a lengthy battle with depression. My heart is heavy. What a terrible tragedy. How could a man who seemed so full of exuberant life somehow lack the will to live? I respect the family’s desire to keep details of his death private. There will likely be a feeding frenzy in the press — speculation over his mental state, drug use, relationships with others, every jot and tittle to try to explain the unexplainable — some people (and it can be anyone) simply lose the desire to see another day. Whenever I encounter suicide in the news or in the lives of people I know, my mind flashes back to one Saturday night in March of 2008. I was feeling flu-like symptoms and had called to get someone to preach for me. I went [...]

Responding to Suicidetonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:13-04:00

Grandma’s Soft Hands

She had the softest hands of any woman I ever touched, of any woman who ever touched me. I asked her one time, “Grandma, how do you keep your hands so soft?” “Dishes. Wash plenty of dishes.” Maybe she thought this would motivate me to do more work around the house instead of constantly burying my nose in a book. No, dishwashing alone wasn’t the secret of Grandma's soft hands. It was lotion. Tons and tons of lotion. My sister revealed this to me after nearly half a century of going on the washing-dishes-alone-theory. Every baby born to the family for almost five decades felt the gentle touch of Grandma's loving hands as she played with us and prayed with us, as she read to us, as she taught some to work and shook her head at why others wouldn't. My Uncle Geoff is the one who carries on [...]

Grandma’s Soft Handstonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:13-04:00

She had the softest hands of any women I had ever touched, of any woman who had ever touched me. I asked her one time, “Grandma, how to you keep your hands so soft?” “Dishes. Wash plenty of dishes.” Maybe she thought this would motivate me to do more work around the house instead of constantly burying my nose in a book. No, dishwashing alone wasn’t the secret of Grandma's soft hands. It was lotion. Tons and tons of lotion. My sister revealed this to me after nearly half a century of going on the washing-dishes-alone-theory. Every baby born to the family for almost five decades felt the gentle touch of Grandma's loving hands as she played with us and prayed with us, as she read to us, as she taught some to work and shook her head at why others wouldn't. My Uncle Geoff is one who carries [...]

tonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:13-04:00

The Social Cycles of Bipolar and Faith: Susan Irene Fox

As I look back on the cycles of bipolar that have tried to steal my life away from me, I am acutely aware of both overt and covert cycles associated with this illness. The overt cycles are mania or hypomania and depression, which is why this brain disease used to be called manic-depression. Some sufferers prefer to use this name because it accurately describes the two polar-opposite cycles we swing through without the middle ground in between. Hypomania is the milder form of the upswing cycling experienced by those who have bipolar 2, the more “benign” form of bipolar. While mania is often accompanied by visions, voices and dangerous behavior, the symptoms of hypomania can be overspending to the point of bankruptcy, risky sexual behavior, or extreme irritability with self or those around us. Depression in bipolar 1 is more extreme, while in bipolar 2 is more frequent. Both [...]

The Social Cycles of Bipolar and Faith: Susan Irene Foxtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:13-04:00

Sabbath as Rhythmic Recreation

The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. Mark 6:30-31 Some time ago, I read an article about a family that filed a lawsuit against a local hospital claiming that an on-call medical resident had contributed to to their loved one's death. The resident was in the midst of 48 hours of grueling work, without sleep, in this level 1 trauma hospital. Sheer exhaustion prevented him from making good medical judgment. In response to this suit the state legislature made it illegal for residents to work long hours without rest. To protect lives, it is necessary that those who care for others care for themselves as well. The best [...]

Sabbath as Rhythmic Recreationtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:13-04:00

What Rochester Has Given Me: Grace Church (PCA)

Faith communities have been an essential aspect of my life. Since I retired from ministry, I have been blessed with two churches in particular. Columbus Reformed Presbyterian (Columbus, Indiana) and Grace Church PCA (Rochester, New York). I find it very reassuring that while I am leaving Grace PCA, I will have a spiritual family in Columbus RPC to call home. Still, there is much I am grateful for and want to celebrate with Grace. When I first showed up in Rochester, I was essentially homeless. A downtown church had paid a three-day voucher for me to stay at the Cadillac Hotel. I was grateful for the mission of this generous church, but it was not a good fit theologically or socially. I had researched PCA churches since I first read Prodigal God by Timothy Keller. I was drawn to their commitment to Biblical truth as well as Christ-centered mission. [...]

What Rochester Has Given Me: Grace Church (PCA)tonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:13-04:00

My Fall from Faith: Terri Nida

Two of our aims here at Delight in Disorder is to connect faith and mental illness in such a way that our suffering becomes redemptive and that we see our whole lives in a spiritual light. Body. Mind. Soul. I first read Terri's story in You Share: Stories that Matter. Some time later, she became a subscribing member of Delight in Disorder. So, I wrote to her about doing a guest post. She graciously agreed. While Terri is not diagnosed with a mental illness, she has struggled with depression most of her life and her story reveals such powerful immersion into the nature of suffering: physical, emotional, and spiritual, I thought it fit well here. This is her story... On August 18, 2013, I suddenly felt dizzy. It had been a nice Sunday afternoon. The hanging plants on my balcony were slowly swinging in the breeze, and I remember admiring [...]

My Fall from Faith: Terri Nidatonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

The Grim Disbelief of Sylvia Plath

Sylvia Plath doesn't reflect much on God in her early journals, but when she goes to provide child care for a Christian Science family, we see a developing theology which, though unorthodox, she articulates well. She finds some common ground with Christian Science, in the value placed on the importance of thought (Mind). But she differs in her perspective on the basis of this Mind. Now that I ponder over it, I do see a sudden neat edifice of logic, and I do agree with some of their generalizations in spite of the fact that I am philosophically at the other end of the pole, - a "matter worshiper". Yet, Plath is certainly more complex than a simple "Material Girl". I believe that there is a realm (abstractly, hypothetically, of course) of absolute fact. Something IS. And that, in our poor human lingo, would be the "truth". No sooner [...]

The Grim Disbelief of Sylvia Plathtonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

Van Gogh & Me: Pursuing Our Vocations

Dear Theo: The Autobiography of Vincent Van Gogh is not only a fascinating art history, it is also the story of a spiritual quest by two brothers who love each other dearly. Van Gogh originally set out to follow in his father's footsteps as a pastor, but for reasons that are only somewhat revealed, it didn't work out. During this period of preparation for ministry, Van Gogh describes a foreboding sense - These are really happy days I spend here, but still it is a happiness and quiet which I do not quite trust. Man is not easily content: now he finds things too easy and then again he is not contented enough. Though not terribly dissatisfied, Van Gogh senses something is missing. Something is not quite right. He wonders if this "dis-ease" could have a spiritual basis. There may be a time in life when one is tired of everything [...]

Van Gogh & Me: Pursuing Our Vocationstonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

Disturbing Dreams; Delightful Days

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:7-8) One night I had a dream. I was a pastor again, this time in a large church. People were praising me. Word was getting out about me. My reputation was spreading. My name and photo had even been placed on a Snickers bar. I was getting full of myself. I was heading for a fall. The dream was not far from the truth (except for the Snickers bar). There was a time when my ministry was celebrated, I was advancing in my career, and my name was recognized. I like to think I gave God the credit, but I fear all too often I didn't. Then, I fell. Hard. In my case, my mental illness got the best of me. This [...]

Disturbing Dreams; Delightful Daystonyroberts2024-08-26T13:04:14-04:00

About tonyroberts