Week One Devotionals:

Desert Dispatches – Ash Wednesday

Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.  — Jonah 1:17

Further reading: Jonah 1:1-17

It was a Friday night. I couldn’t sleep, thinking about an essential phone call I had to make in the morning. The call didn’t go through. It was a great loss. The cumulative weight of a lifetime of losses crushed me. At 8 am on Saturday I drank copious amounts of IPA beer and swallowed an indeterminate number of sedatives. I wasn’t trying to kill myself but numb the pain.

I slept 24 hours. Woke up Sunday morning feeling worse. So I did it again. Beer. Sedatives. Bed. I slept 24 more hours. I woke up Monday morning — August 19, 2024 in a daze. I opened my first beer of the day.

My phone beeped. A text from my friend Dan S. Dan is in recovery and struggles with other mental health issues as well.

“Hey Tony, haven’t heard from you in a while. Are you weary? Hungry? Angry? Praying for you.”

Dan S. was the big fish God sent to save me from the turbulent storm. My eyes welled up with tears. I cried out. Asked for help. Found my way to AA. Detox. Dual diagnosis rehab. Now I am standing on a firm foundation — sober, sane, and serene. Taking one step at a time.

Thought for the day —

When we bottom out, the best place to look is up.

Desert Dispatches – Reckless Paths

[God’s angel said to Balaam]… “I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me.” — Numbers 22:32

Further reading: Numbers 22

To paraphrase a lyric from John Prine — “Steady losing means you ain’t choosing what you know is right.”

Though I was raised in a family, a faith, and a community that taught me right from wrong, when I went to college I rebelled. Thinking I was exerting personal freedom, I experimented with addictive substances and behaviors that enslaved me. Along this path of “least resistance,” God sent many roadblocks. I was too much under the influence of unholy things to see clearly divine detour signs.

The Good News is God never gave up on me. I finally reached a point where God clearly revealed the choice of life and death. The abundant life of being sober, sane, and serene. The dismal death of addiction, madness, and malaise. I chose life not because of any virtue in me, but because I saw in my squalor a still glowing reflection of the image of God in Christ.

Thought for the Day:

What obstacles are in my path?
Is God preventing me from being reckless?

Desert Dispatches – Pruning Pains, Gardening for Growth

[Jesus said] “I am the true vine, and my Father is the Gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so it will be even more fruitful.”  — John 15:1-2

Further reading: John 15:1-17

People sometimes ask me, “How can you believe in God after all you’ve been through?” Why follow Jesus if it only leads to a cross? Pain. Hardship. Ridicule. An agonizing death. How could Jesus have endured this torture?

I have no good answer for those suffering. I could point to the delight I have found in disorder, but I can’t promise you that if you only have faith in Christ you will enjoy health, wealth, happiness. Jesus didn’t. Why would his followers? What I can say with the full assurance of God’s Word, is that in the end, God wins. When we walk with God in Christ, we win as well.

Are you feeling pruning pains?

Hold onto hope.
Things will get better.
Watch for God’s kingdom in each moment.
Where God afflicts the comfortable.
When God comforts the afflicted.
You are not alone. Now or ever.

Thought for the day:

Things get better in the end.
If things aren’t better, more is to come.