Living with a loved one who is in decline and has been giving up hope can be overwhelming, to say the least. When you want to change their behaviors, but you can’t, frustration and tension can soon set in. No one wants to be in the depths of depression, or riddled with anxiety. If you’re in a better place, you can be the one to help fight with them and for them.
Here are a few ideas of what to do if you are with a loved one who is going through a rough time internally. If you are that loved one, these are for your toolkit too:
Pray For Them
At the most hopeless seasons in my life, I’ve been lifted up through prayer. I firmly believe that has been a game-changer in my life in the midst of and despite my mental illness. Hope has never been weak when prayer was at hand. I know this full well: Putting our hearts in God’s hands is surrender. Putting other’s hearts in God’s hands is selfless.
God may never take their mental illness away, but He will give you both the strength you need to find the rest and peace you need.
Ask God to heal them and resolve their emotional turmoil. Put their specific symptoms out there – their paranoia, anxieties, fears, depression, psychosis, mania.
Name them and reject the darkness and harm that the enemy means for evil.
Instead, praise and thank God for the victory in advance. Pray that his presence would be apparent to them. For peace that surpasses all understanding for you and them.
Do this in your prayer closet on your personal time. Remember, God sees in secret and rewards those who pray that way (Matthew 6:6).
Not only does prayer change things, it changes us. It’s a powerful tool to use, and wise to utilize it first.
Appreciate Them
Think of the reasons why you love them and set aside time and materials to list them. Then, remind them why you love them. Remind them that their circumstances are temporary and will eventually change, and that you are there for them. Tell them what you like about them too!
Encourage Them
If they’re stuck in a rut with depression or anxiety, it’s always a good idea to encourage. Find a good time when there’s some downtime and it’s you and them. If they are at a place to listen to you, ask them some open-ended questions and hear them to understand how they’re feeling.
You can say a few things, like “You aren’t alone. I’m here with you.” Or “I hear you, and that sounds difficult.” Validate their emotions.
Try to use their name at least once in the conversation – it’s the sweetest sound to their ears.
And build them up: “I know you can come through this. Think about the times you came through something tough before!” “When the going gets tough, the tough get going!” “I know you, and you are more than a conqueror. You keep fighting and don’t give up.”
Laugh With Them
Joke around and lighten the mood. Sometimes, the best pick-me-up is a funny thing said. It may be the way you say it, but try making them laugh about something.
If you’re not as gifted with words on the fly, maybe have a silly one-liner joke that’s appropriate for the moment. You might ask them, “Can I tell you a joke?”
If they’re not in the mood it’s okay to be sensitive to their moods and hold off for a better time. If they let you tell it, they may get a chuckle out of it.
Dream With Them
Ask them open-ended questions about their hopes and dreams. Get deep and curious about their opinions and views.
“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” and similar questions can keep their perspective focused on long-term things. And you’d like to know what they aspire to be and do, since you love them.
Help Take Care of Them
This is the hardest part of having a loved one with mental illness, but natural support for someone on the decline is vital. It’s crucial to share the burden of things they need done for them to help them.
If they are in a place where they cannot seem to keep up with the minimum responsibilities or tasks to take care of themselves (showering, dressing, eating, sleeping, etc.) it may be on your shoulders to take on some of the weight.
For the season – because a depressed state is for a season at a time – you may be the one called upon to help them keep track of taking medication as prescribed or making it to appointments as their transportation and support.
For a family whose spouse/parents are clinically depressed, you may need to step in to communicate for your loved one to their employer or mental healthcare professionals. It’s always a good thing to discuss when they’re in a better state of mind. When they’re well enough to reason, make sure you are a trusted loved one that they can disclose important information to, trust you to advocate for them, and have it in writing that they wish you to be that for them.
What may potentially turn into a season of deep depression or racing anxiety, it’s always a good idea to have a game plan in place.
For your copy of my own designed resource I call the Game Plan: Mental Health Resource Guide, see this link. It’s a PDF you can print out and have on hand for you or your loved one’s support team, to help navigate a hard season with mental illness, and be prepared just in case.
